HowToWinFriendsAndInfluencePeople

• Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face. Leadership
• "The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun" John D Rockefeller. Leadership
• "The great aim of education is not knowledge, but action" Herbert Spencer. And this is an action book. BeTheGood - Intelligent ACTION is power
• My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people. Happiness
• Marking and underscoring a book makes it more interesting, and far easier to review rapidly. Protocols
• Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind. Mental Models
• Regard this as a working handbook on human relations; and whenever you are confronted with some specific problem hesitate about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing. This is usually wrong.
• What to ask yourself each day: "What mistakes did I make ?" "What did I do that was right – and in what way could I have improved my performance ?" "What lessons can I learn from that experience?" Questions Checklists
• The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemn. Leadership
• Let us realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself and condemn us in return. Leadership
• Sharp criticisms and rebukes almost always end in futility.
• When dealing with people we should remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudges and motivated by pride and vanity. WhoWeAre Mental Models
• The secret of Benjamin Franklin's success: "I will speak ill of no man" Rationality
• Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do. It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. Rationality Mental Models
• Instead of condemning people, try to understand them. Try to figure out why they do what they do. This is a lot more profitable and intriguing that criticism and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. Rationality Mental Models
• There is only one way to get anybody to do anything: Make the other person want to do it. Mental Models
• "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. – Charles Schwab
• Be anxious to praise, loath to find fault. If you like anything "Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise" Checklists
• I shall pass this way only once; any good, therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. BeTheGood - Intelligent ACTION is power
• Every man you meet is superior in some say, In that, learn from him. Mental Models Rationality Montras
• Cease thinking of your accomplishments, your wants. Try to figure out the other persons good points. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Rationality
• When you go fishing, you dont think about what you want. You think about what the fish want! Mental Models Rationality
• Why talk about what we want? That's childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. Rationality Mental Models
• The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
  • The best piece of advice for would be persuaders: arouse in the other person an eager want. Rationality Mental Models
  • Andrew Carnegie, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants.
  • If you want to persuade someone to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?"

Rationality Mental Models

• IF there is any one secret to success it lies in the ability to get the other persons point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own. Mental Models Rationality
• The world is full of people who are grabbing and self seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition. Reliability
• Most people go through college without discovering how their own minds function. Mental Models
• A dog is the only animal that doesn't have to work for a living. A dog makes his living by giving nothing but love. Rationality
• You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Rationality
• People are not interested in you. They are interested in themselves - morning, noon and night. Mental Models Rationality
• It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring. Rationality
• Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says "I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you" Rationality
• People rarely succeed in anything unless they have fun doing it. Advice Rationality
• You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Advice Rationality
• I have also eliminated criticism from my system. I give appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation. I have stopped talking about what I want. I am now trying to see the other person's viewpoint. And these things have literally revolutionized my life. Rules Rationality Advice
• Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. BeTheGood - Intelligent ACTION is power
• Everybody in the world is seeking happiness – and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. Happiness
• It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it. Happiness
• There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -Shakespeare
• A man without a smiling face must not open a shop. Advice
• The value of smile at Christmas:
  • It costs nothing, but creates much.
  • It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.
  • It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
  • None are so rich that they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.
  • It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and in the countersign of friends.
  • It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Natures best antidote for trouble.
  • Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly god to anybody until it is given away.
  • And if in the last-minute rush of Christmas buying some of our salespeople should be too tired to give you a smile, may we ask you to leave one of yours?
  • For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!
• The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. Rationality
• Most people dont remember names, for the simple reason that they dont take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds.
• In politics: To recall a voters name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion.
• Remember that a persons name is to that person the sweetest and most important sounds in any language.
• Few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention. Rationality
• Most people fail to make a favorable impression because they dont listen attentively. They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open… Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait. Protocols
• If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, dont wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. Mental Models Leadership
• Those people who think only of themselves are hopelessly uneducated, no matter how instructed they may be. Advice
• If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that others people will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Advice Rationality
• Remember that the people you are talking to are 100 times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Rationality
• Talk in terms of the others persons interests. Rationality
• Always make the other person feel important. Rationality
• Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.
• Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. Rationality Mental Models
• Why prove to a man he is wrong ? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn't ask your opinion. He didn't want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle. Rationality
• There is only one way to get the best of an argument and that is to avoid it. Rationality
  • 90% of the time an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.
  • A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.
  • IF you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get you opponents good will. Which would you rather have an academic theatrical victory or a persons good will? You can seldom have both.
  • Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.
• The Buddha said: "Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love. and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other persons viewpoint. Buddhism
• Tips for arguing:
  • Welcome the disagreement: Whenever two partners agree, one of them is not necessary. If there is some point you have thought about be thankful if it has been brought to your attention.
  • Distrust your first instinctive impression: Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful! Keep calm and watch out for you first reaction. IT may be you at your worst not at your best.
  • Control your temper: You can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
  • Listen first: Give you opponents the chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding.
  • Look for areas of agreement: After you have heard your opponents out, dwell on the points and areas on which you agree.
  • Be honest: Look for areas where you can admit error and do so. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
  • Promise to think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully: Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say "We tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen"
  • Postpone action to give both sides tome to think through the problem.
  • Look for truth or merit in your opponents position or argument.

Mental Models Rationality Checklists

• You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words – and if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never! You have struck a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect. That will make them want to strike back. But it will never make them want to change their minds. Rationality
• Never begin by announcing "I am going to prove so-and-so to you." That's bad. That's tantamount to saying "I'm smarter than you are. I am going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind." Rationality
• Its difficult, under even the most benign conditions, to change peoples minds. So why make it harder? Why handicap yourself? If you are going to prove anything, dont let anybody know about it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly , that no one will feel that you are doing it. Rationality
  • Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
  • Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.
• Few people are logical. Most of us are prejudiced and biased. Most of us are blighted with preconceived notions, with jealousy, suspicion, fear, envy, and pride. Mental Models
• Our first reaction to most of the statements which we hear from other people is an evaluation or judgment, rather than an understanding of it. Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person. Rationality
• I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiment of others. I even forbade myself the use of every work or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion, such as "certainly", "undoubtedly" etc. and I adopted instead of them "I conceive", "I apprehend", or "I imagine" a thing to be so or so, or "it appears to me at present" Rules
• Show respect for the other persons opinions. Never say "You're wrong" Rules
• If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn't it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn't it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips? Rationality
• There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit ones errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.
• By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected. Advice
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Rules
• People dont want to change their minds. They cant be forced or driven to agree with you. But they may possibly be lead to. Rationality
• Begin in a friendly way. BeTheGood - Intelligent ACTION is power
• In talking with people, dont begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keeping on emphasizing – the things on which you agree.
  • The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of "Yes" responses.
• No one likes to feel that he is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.
• Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they dont think so. Dont condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.
• There is a reason the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason – and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in his place. If you say to yourself "How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes? you will save yourself time and irritation. By becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect. Mental Models
• Stop to contrast your keen interest in your own affairs with your mild concern about anything else. Realize then, that everybody else in the world feels exactly the same way! Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint.
• "I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a persons office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person – from my knowledge of his interests and motives – was likely to answer. Protocols
• Say "I dont blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do."
• You deserve very little credit for being what you are – and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself "There, but for the grace of God, go I" ExtremeOwnership
• 3/4 of the people you meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. Leadership
• Have the satisfaction of controlling your temper, the satisfaction of returning kindness for insult.
• Sympathy the human species universally craves.
• Merely stating a truth isn't enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. Mental Models
• The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel" Mental Models
• Its always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points. Leadership
• Call attention to the behavior we wished to change indirectly. Protocols
• People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that cause the order to be issued. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Leadership
• Let one save face! Hit important, how vitally important it is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it. Leadership
• Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving. Leadership
• Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere – not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good. Leadership
  • Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
• If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait where already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. "Assume a virtue, if you have it not" And it might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned. Leadership
• Praise the things others do right, and minimize their errors. Be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in their ability to do it, that they have an undeveloped flair for it. Leadership
• Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Rationality Leadership